Lisa Hepner

aka Lisa-Laughs-A-Lot

Produced Screenwriter, Comedy Screenwriter

Open to Collaboration and Writing Assignments

screenwriterlisa@gmail.com

Represented by Canton Literay Agency

FADE IN:

INT. LAND ROVER - DAY

A thin, hip, over-worked, multi-tasking, good-looking FEMALE PRODUCER who can easily put on mascara AND send a text, all while driving using her freshly pedicured FOOT, scours the internet for a collaborator or a writer for hire and stumbles upon the profile of comedy screenwriter Lisa Hepner (aka Lisa-Laughs-A-Lot, mid 40's) who's very open to collaboration and writing assignments.

FEMALE PRODUCER
Hmm, she looks a bit like Renee Zellwegger BEFORE Renee Zellwegger stopped looking like Renee Zellwegger.  And she has a manager so she's already been vetted.  Looks like her comedy script, Simon Says,  was a semi-finalist in the ScreenCraft Comedy competition. The top 10% of comedy scripts.  Right on.

She spots an IN-N-OUT BURGER and immediately veers off the highway, zig zagging between multiple Prius's, swerving left to barely miss a pregnant lady jaywalking and then does a 360 degree donut in the parking lot. 

INT. HONDA CIVIC - DAY

Another hip, multi-tasking MALE PRODUCER who can hold a Skype meeting while driving to his next meeting, who is also extremely good-looking (You're all good-looking and you know it), discovers Lisa Hepner's LinkedIn profile.

MALE PRODUCER
What's with the gray hair?  She doesn't look that old.  Well, at least she must be comfortable in her own skin.  Shit, are my gray's showing?

He freaks, checks his sideburns in the mirror.  He's good.  For now.  Wait til after next week though!

MALE PRODUCER
She lives in Ore-GONE.  Is that how you pronounce it?  Ore-GONE?  Ore-GUN?  Speaking of guns, looks like she's against a National Take Your Gun To Work Day.  Me too.  And she's available to travel to LA at any time.  That's a plus. 

INT. IN-N-OUT BURGER - DAY

Female Producer whispers something very SECRET to the cashier, who nods.

FEMALE PRODUCER
And some Animal Fries with that.  As well as a Neapolitan Shake.  Oh, and a large drink.  3/4 Coke, 1/4 Diet.  Thanks!

She steps off to the side waiting for her order.  Returns to the internet.

FEMALE PRODUCER
She wrote and optioned a parody of So You Think You Can Dance?  called So You Think You Can Fart.  HA!

She looks up at all the people staring at her for laughing out loud.  She smiles, whatever, goes back to business.

FEMALE PRODUCER
It had to be done.  It was so ripe for it.  Ripe, he he.  Damn I'm funny.  Maybe I should write a comedy!  I could collaborate with her?  Looks like she got to be a farter--actor--in it too.  That's pretty ballsy.  Give it up for pioneers like her who pave the way toward making farting acceptable for women across the globe.  You go girl, WOOT WOOT.

She picks up her order, RIPS a big one and gives a gesture "I'm out."

INT.  HONDA CIVIC  - DAY

Male Producer, finishes his shave, puts his electric shaver away,  continues browsing the profile.

MALE PRODUCER
Wonder what type of comedy she likes?  Looks like she likes The Jerk, Airplane, Vacation (the original), Legally Blonde (who doesn't?  I even like that one if I'm being completely honest with myself), There's Something About Mary, Liar Liar, Bruce Almighty, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Meet the Parents...I like those too.  Anything current?  The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Guardians of the Galaxy and Trainwreck.  Actually,come to think of it, there aren't a lot of really good current comedies out there.

He becomes lost in thought as a car HONKS, jolting him.  He flips the driver off and continues on.

MALE PRODUCER
Hmmm, she writes movies with quirky female protagonists.  They've proven to be a hit at the box office.  Plus Paul told me to look for more of those.  Maybe I'll shoot her an email.  Wonder if she could write a treatment for an idea I've had spinning around in my head for a while?   Actually, she'd probably be  great fit for that rewrite of GUY's script.  Could use a female perspective.

Male Producer whips out his green KALE drink and gulps it down.

INT. LAND ROVER - DAY

Female Producer rips through her food.  She really tears into it. Straight out of a not-so-sexy Carl's Junior commercial. 

FEMALE PRODUCER
Wonder if she has anything we could shoot right now?  Looks like she has a lot of movies based on simple concepts and phrases:  Simon Says, Murphy's Law, Negative Nancy-- Maybe that's her thing; taking simple concepts, phrases or terms and putting fun and interesting twists on them.
               (beat)
She has a script called No Woman about women who have a hard time saying no.  Good thing I don't have that problem! 

FEMALE PRODUCER notices a missed text from her dad. "We still on for pickle ball?" 

FEMALE PRODUCER
I hate pickle ball.  It's for old people.  Or out-of-shape people.  It's like the new Zumba.

She rapid fires her response "SURE."  Inserts a smiley face emoji.  It is her dad, after all.

FEMALE PRODUCER
Maybe I'll give her a call about No Woman.  It might be a fun read.

CUT TO:

INT. LISA'S HOME OFFICE (KITCHEN)  - DAY

Lisa does her happy dance, which looks more like a "Tire pump" dance (puts the sprinkler dance to shame) because she just got off the phone with her manager who LOVED her latest script, Murphy's Law.

After a few minutes, more like 10 seconds, of happy dancing,  she sits back down at her laptop.  Too much work to do; writing, rewriting, polishing, outlining.   She's doing a polish on No Woman, finishing up Negative Nancy, brainstorming a new Rom Com, co-writing a short with a local director and outlining an animated script from a book she's in the process of optioning.  No rest for the wicked--wicked, as in really cool.

BACK TO SCENE

Female Producer  picks up the phone and dials (503) 349-5710 while giving the Fart parody a "thumbs up"  on YouTube.  

Male Producer, with a green, frothy moustache,  shoots a quick email to:  screenwriterlisa@gmail.com while literally and discouragingly counting the number of current comedies that he really LOVED--on one hand.

CUT TO:

INT. LISA'S HOME OFFICE (NOW THE SPARE BEDROOM) - DAY

Lisa's eyes widen with delight as she receives the email from Male Producer requesting a writing sample.  She takes a call from Female Producer and agrees to send out notes on her take of the material.

BACK TO SCENE

BOTH producers do their own "happy dance," glad to have connected with such an easy to work with writer who also happens to do a great Axyl Rose impersonation singing Welcome to the Jungle.  Only after a few drinks.  Actually, only one.  She's a lightweight.

INT. LISA'S HOME OFFICE (NOW THE BATHROOM) - DAY

Lisa, on the toilet (She's good at multi-tasking too), sends off the writing sample right away and emails the notes on time, as promised. 

And they all lived happily ever after, doing their respective happy dances and collaborating and working on fun projects for the foreseeable future, hopefully adding a little LAUGHTER into the sometimes seemingly dark abyss. 

FADE OUT

 MORE FUN

Lisa's IMDB PAGE:  http://www.imdb.me/lisahepner2
Lisa's Linked In Page: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisahepner
FART VIDEO:  https://youtu.be/dA49FDAsnCU

 CONTACT
screenwriterlisa@gmail.com
503-349-5710

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